I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
