I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
