I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
