You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
