i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
