We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
