I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
