i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
