I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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