You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
