I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
