I need help removing her.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
