pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
