is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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