I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
