My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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