we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
