so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
