Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
