We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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