No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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