What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm both gender and math confused
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
