So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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