the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
