His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
