I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Vodka?
Forever.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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