Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
