i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
True strength comes from lack of pants
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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