OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
