I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up under a house in Key West
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
