oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
