Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
