So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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