Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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