Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
