In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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