Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
