I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
