I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You're like the curious george of whores
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
