Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
