I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
