If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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