I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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