We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
