Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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