my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
