She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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