She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
