Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
