...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
