to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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