dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
